Time

Time, my loyal companion
My first ally, one who never lies to me
My first enemy, one who forces me to endure
A healer of the broken ones

The first to promise me more
The last to give it
But always there
Whether for good or ill

I came up with that pretty much in the past 15 minutes. Just, out of the blue. It may not be the most profound or deep poem, but it's from my heart.

So, today was... well, it was mostly shitty. I woke up late, having missed the bus, and had an inside moral debate with myself on if I wanted to go back to sleep and stay home or go to school. So, of course, ignoring whatever instinct or though had compelled me to stay home, I went to bloody school. Which, in the end, was probably the best choice, but I could have avoided some serious embarrassment if I had stayed home, and some shame too. But I'm getting a bit ahead of myself.

So, my brother drove me to school, and while he was doing that, he told me about a girl with symptoms similar to that of Asperger's that he had met, though she wasn't diagnosed with it, officially. Only about a year or so older than me, she sounded interesting. I'm gonna see if I can meet her sometime :p

So, he dropped me off at school, and during second, there were more tours, as we had been giving tours to middle and elementary schoolers all week, but my teacher was getting tired of constantly saying the same thing over again, so he handed it off to us, and as it's still a business class, we were sort of required to do it. I went first, and I gotta say, even though they were elementary kids, it was tough. It's tough just speaking normally, as I like to think through what I say usually, and not just blunder through, but I had to blunder through this. And when they were leaving, I didn't really know what to say, so I just said "Have a good day, children." and promptly got called a creep by my classmates and teacher. While I know it was all in good fun, it still stings just a bit. I don't mean to be creepy in my mannerisms or speech, but more often than not I come off that way.

Speed forward a bit, bus ride home I'm listening to music, still doing my best to avoid Emily and thoughts about her, and surprisingly, it's working. Time and avoidance are allowing me to move past her. I'm having less thoughts about her, and when I do, they're more often just idle wonderings I have about most people, rather than specific thoughts about her. So things are going better.  I don't really try to talk to her anymore either. Whatever feelings I had for her burned high and bright, but went out just as fast.

In 3rd is where shit really hit the fan for me. We're reading The Great Gatsby and we had to get with our character groups. I got with my group, the character is Nick. We were to draw Gatsby's mansion and write quotes that represented him. Well, when I found them, I was extremely intimidated by them. They were these two girls, B and A. I won't mention names, so that they can stay anonymous.

Well, anyways, they intimidated me like no other person before. I don't even really understand why they intimidated me, but it just made me feel small and awkward, and so I just kinda meekly sat there without knowing what to do. I contributed a couple quotes, but I honestly wasn't needed and felt that I would just get in the way if I tried to do much. One was an amazing artist and didn't need help at all with that. The other was amazing with writing, and didn't need help with that at all. I got to write down my two quotes, but they felt sloppy and inadequate compared to the two girls' work. And at the end of class, I felt even more embarrassed, and especially ashamed, because I should have, and could have contributed more. I also slept through most of 4th, but that's of little consequence, since I got the notes down and understood what we were doing, and got the work done.

A little upside was that I finally got to start on conditioning for track today. The rain had stopped and it was bright and sunny. I wasn't hydrated very well, which made it a bit harder, but I pulled through, and didn't die, so it's all good.

On the ride home, as my friend was dropping me off, we passed the girl's house, as she lives on my street, and I'm pretty sure I saw her outside with a kid, though I wasn't sure because we passed by so fast. But when we did pass, and I saw her, for a split second, I felt my heart do a strange little flutter that I haven't felt before. I'm still not sure what my feelings for her are, but only Time will tell.

Oh, and the deathclaws in Fallout 4 are fucking scary.

That's all for today, bye y'all, Alex out.