So, today was rather boring. It's a weekend, and I don't do much on weekends. I spent the day playing video games, well, a video game, really. League of Legends. Fun game, but I'm terrible at it.
Okay, so here's a thing about me. If I just sit quietly, don't do a thing, most people will ignore me, forget about me, not even notice me. I don't really know why. I don't know if it's just something in my physical appearance, or if I'm giving off a non verbal signal that people just pick up and it tells them to leave me alone. I don't know. So I could probably go an entire week without any of my friends seeing me, and they most likely wouldn't notice. You would think that having patches of silver hair would make me more noticeable too, ya know? And no, it isn't dyed, my hair is naturally going grey/silver. If I want to talk to anyone, I often have to initiate a conversation, no one ever initiates conversations with me in person. Through texting, a few people try to talk to me, but in real life, in the real world, it simply doesn't happen as far as I can remember. And after some of my past, you would think "Oh, this is just what you wanted." Or "Now people won't bother you." But really, I wanted the jerks to leave me alone, but not the people I actually wanted to converse with. I guess I'll elaborate more on my past.
I think in this post, I'll elaborate on school life, though in the next one I'll talk about home life some more.
In 3rd grade, I moved to an entirely different neighborhood, far away from the one from 1st and 2nd grade. Same school though. Now, school for me was just plain torture. Hell. Not, in any way, healthy for me. Due to my undiagnosed Asperger's Syndrome (at the time) I was pretty much what the school would consider a trouble maker. I had, as I mentioned in the last post, one 'friend' and nothing else. Kindergarten wasn't really any issue, most of us were too young to like or dislike each other. But in 1st grade, that's where my exile started. Due to all the stuff AS causes, I couldn't socialize very well. I was quickly turned into the black sheep in the herd of white sheep. The odd one out. The scapegoat for all the problems, the outlet for all the bullys to practice their insults and hazing on, then act like angels when I lost my cool. And believe me, I did lose my cool a lot. I was an easy target, and even easier to blame things on, so I spent a lot of time in the principals office during recess, or standing on a hill, as during 3rd grade, that was the punishment.
One incident I remember fairly vividly is that I was playing tag with the other kids (they weren't so cruel as to leave me out of the playground games (at first at least)) and I went down this big blue swirly slide after another kid and when I got to the bottom he was still there and my foot connected with his head. Now of course I was extremely sorry, but that didn't matter to the other kids, all that mattered to them was that I hurt their friend, and they were saying I did it on purpose. At which point I lost it and tackled the biggest one and took his ass down. I of course got in trouble while the other kids didn't, but that doesn't matter. I think it was at this point that I started to get excluded from the playground games by the other kids.
There was this one other time I was playing around on the playground and I tried to slide down this pole, but I completely missed it and fell down, and it went by so fast I didn't even have time to react, I was knocked out cold for a few minutes (I think) when a random girl I had never seen before checked to see if I was alright. She woke me up, then walked off.
I despised going to school so much that I often faked a cough or tried to puke so that I wouldn't have to go. Elementary was not a happy time for me.
At some point, I was completely ignored and excluded from playground games, and I always just sort of wandered around aimlessly while waiting for the day to end. I really don't remember much of elementary. The way I see it, I wasn't truly aware of my actions and really rational thought until around 6th grade, and before then I was sort of on an auto pilot, slowly getting more aware up until previously stated 6th grade. Side philosophical topic aside, shortly before I moved away, and just before the school year ended, a new kid arrived.
Imagine my excitement when I see this new kid, who has no preconceived opinions of me, be friendly to me. This kid, whose name I think was Tanner or something like that. It had a T in it. Anyways, this kid was my first true friend. I was only friends with him for a week or two, and maybe he forgot about me really easily, but this kid was one of the reasons that I found hope that I could make friends.
Just as 3rd grade ends, I move to a new state, Florida. I'll continue talking about Elementary in tomorrow's post, unless something happens in which I need to talk about. I'll get around to home life more, don't worry ;)
Alright, that's all for now y'all, Alex out.
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