I LIVE!

See, I am alive. Just had a lot on my plate recently and some stuff was too fresh to talk about. But I am feeling a lot better now and I've gotten over a bunch of stuff this winter break.

So first off, I'd like to explain what's been going on in my life recently. On the 18th of December, it was the last day of school for the semester, and thus the second half of the day was cancelled, leaving just first and second period for people to get their exams done. So after screwing around for my first two classes, cause I didn't actually have any exams to take for those, cause we had either gotten them over with already, or no one really cared about them.

Turns out, this girl in my first period who I had thought hated my freaking guts, well, she was actually really competitive and considered me a friend. She told me she got competitive with the smartest people in her classes, specifically. I was kind of dumbstruck for a good ten or so minutes. Here I was thinking that she had honestly hated me. Needless to say, I got her number and got to know her a bit, and it turns out, unsurprisingly actually, that she's a really cool person. She has a boyfriend who's technically not her boyfriend, even though they act like a couple a lot. She's just really cool.

Anyways, my science teacher also brought his dog to school, which was pretty cool to. After getting back to my home high school, I hung out with my Emily, my ex. I think it'll be fine to mention first names, and honestly, it's getting tiring labeling people so you know who I'm talking about, so I'd rather just say their first names, unless they don't want me to, then I'll give them a blog nickname. But onward! I hung out with her for like ten minutes when we got back, then started skipping around the cafeteria, where all the students were being held. Yes, skipping. I skipped like two laps around the place. I got some very funny looks, but I was hyper, so what can I say?

Eventually, they let us into the gym, where they were going to keep people until they were either checked out or the buses came. I was on the bored side, so at first I sat down with Emily and her friends, then I walked around to try to find my friend Elijah, but he was nowhere to be found at that moment. So I went back to Emily and party, but there wasn't anywhere to sit. So I sat in someones lap. "Whose?" You might wonder, and I'll tell you! It was this guy named Jordan whose lap I sat in. And I don't mean on his knee, I mean full on his lap. Sat there for a minute or two before he couldn't handle it anymore XD That was a fun one! I wish I had had a picture taken for memories' sake, and so I could post it on here.

But it wasn't all fun and games. Eventually my super excited feeling ebbed a bit, so I walked off to find a place to sit, charge my phone, and rest. Turns out, the spot I knew of that had the wall outlet also had Elijah in it. He was with his girlfriend and I don't remember if I said hi or not, I think they were having a sweet moment and I didn't want to interrupt, so I walked over to the dark corner and sat down, to wait for my phone to charge, and to observe others. What I observed was a group of people setting up a ping pong table to play on. Emily inevitable went over to play some, and so I had gone from absentmindedly observing others to observing the object of my affections. I kept thinking to myself "Look over here and notice me." I was sad and lonely at this point. I wanted Emily to come over and talk to me, I wished for it, and eventually she did. But as the warning goes, "Be careful what you wish for,"

When she noticed me, she came over and as best I can remember said "Jeeze Alex, you look like a creep." And then walked under the bleachers a bit. After a minute or two she went back to playing Ping Pong or some shit, I don't know, I was too busy sitting there trying to keep myself from falling apart. I know that I can be creepy at times, and don't even mind being creepy on purpose to either entertain others or myself, but when the person you have feelings for calls you a creep, well, it's a whole new ball game

I failed in keeping myself from falling apart, I just slowed it down some. I started crying, plain and simple. I sat there, hiding under my jacket, and I ****ing wept. It hurt being called a creep, and the combined feelings of sadness, loneliness, and hurt overwhelmed me. I have no idea how long I sat there, but eventually my best guy friend in this state, that being Elijah, noticed me under my jacket, so after throwing an orange at me and getting no reaction, he came over and pulled it off me, seeing that I was crying, he forced me to look up at him as he gave me a hug and made me tell him what was wrong.

After telling him what was wrong, he had me (or I decided so myself, can't remember which) go to the restroom to get my face cleaned up. After wiping my face up as best I could, I went to the restroom, which in the gym was also the boy's locker room, to splash water on my face, blow my nose, and generally clean up. This guy from my math class who I had a general disdain for happened to be in there, getting changed for some sport or something, and he noticed that I was crying. He went from talking with his friends to being concerned for me so fast that it kind of stunned me. After telling him that the girl I liked had called me a creep, he was like "I'm sorry, I can't beat up a girl for you." Like, if it was a guy that had been the reason I was crying, he was completely prepared to go beat them up for me. I felt and feel ashamed for judging Dalton the way I had been. After chuckling a bit, I thanked him for his concern (I'm pretty sure I did, at least.) and proceeded to wash my face off and clean up.

After exiting the locker room, I go over and play some ping pong myself for a bit, but the other person leaves and since I'm left alone there, I just set the paddle down and try to find something to do. Everything after exiting the locker room is kind of a blur, and I can't chronologically place a certain event either. At some point in this whole mess of things, I had been around Emily and her friends, and wanted to tell them about something really embarrassing that I did to Emily a week or so before, but Emily threatened to fight me if I did so, so I wrapped my arms around her and forcefully held her in a playful way while I tried to start my story. But she thrashed, bit, and eventually screamed, and that was when I realized she was actually freaking out. I immediately let her go and walked away, waiting until my dad arrived to check me out. As I was walking towards the exit to the gym, I found Emily and apologized to her. I hadn't realized until she screamed that she wasn't just playing around. You might think the biting would have been the tell, but she usually likes to bite anyways, so that's why I couldn't tell from that. Anyways, she forgave me and that was that for the day.

I'll continue this in another post tomorrow night, because at this point this is kinda long!

Night y'all, Alex out!