Okay okay, I'll give it to you straight. I "dated" the girl for a week, then on Sunday she came over to hang out and things almost immediately took a sexual turn, we went further than either of us were ready for, and she left a note saying she still liked me, but wasn't ready for a boyfriend. I took Monday to keep to myself and think. And so I did. I thought and thought, examined, figured out, and came up with some things.
First is that I don't actually have feelings for the girl. Or if I did, the hurt of some stuff that was said on Sunday wiped away whatever budding feelings I had for her. I told her this today, Tuesday, and she took it about as well as she could have, in the situation where the one you like rejects you because they don't feel the same way. Having been in that position before, and rather recently too, I know the best thing I can do for her is to give her space to cope and accept this, and hopefully move on.
One of three things will happen afterwards, one of which happened with the girl who rejected me. One, she'll hate me and not even try to speak to me again, if not outright ignore me. Two, we'll still be friends, sort of, but we'll just grow more and more distant as time goes on, until we don't even speak any more, but at least that would be on more neutral terms than #1. And then there's the last one. Three, we'll become even closer friends than before, possibly best friends. I think option two is the most likely out of all of them. (On a side note, the option that happened with me and the girl that rejected me was also option two. (On another side note, also referred to as a side side note, a girl who I liked a long time ago is now one of my most trusted and best friends. (I don't like her that way now, obviously, but thought I would make that clear)))
I won't go into details of the sexual encounter for the moment, but maybe at a later date... If I remember it!
No poem today, unfortunately, but oh well, I can't be a literary genius all the time! *winky face*
But I do have another topic to talk about! It's kind of morbid though. Someone at my school committed suicide recently, and while I didn't know the girl personally, a few of my friends did, and from what I saw, it's really not easy on them, having someone they know kill themselves.
At the risk of getting my ass yelled at, I would like to say that while I don't condone suicide, it is the persons choice, and while I see it as the cowards way out, I respect the fact that it was their choice to make.
I've gone through some serious stuff, but while it's possible I may have had times where I very briefly contemplated suicide, I knew that things would get better, so I stuck through it and I still stick through things. Things certainly aren't as bad as they used to be. And also, by saying this, I'm not implying that other people have gone through less shit than me, other people have certainly had to wade in deeper shit than I have, but the severity of each persons situation is more opinion based, I think.
The thing is, there are times where it's painful to be stuck inside my head, whether that be physically or emotionally. The physical times are when my sensory issues, namely hearing, are more to the front than usual, like in math class, almost every day when the teacher is, well, teaching, my head is ringing from how loud everything sounds. Sometimes it's also in my head though. I haven't had one of these moments in a while, but one particular one that happened earlier this year was more severe than the others, and for a moment I had wanted out of my own head so badly that I had contemplated suicide, and then when I realized I had actually thought about it, even for a split second, I broke down crying, and I mean the real ugly kind of crying.
Thankfully, one of my really awesome friends was up at this point in time, her name starts with R, you know who you are :D anyways, she was up (It was the middle of the night.) and she was there for me when I needed a friend the most. She helped me calm down and talked through with me why I had contemplated it. I don't specifically remember what had triggered it, but I know it was from a certain chapter in a certain book.
I don't even know what point I'm trying to make, to be honest. In fact, I'll leave this up to others to interpret. Though, one last thing. While I've contemplated it in the past, I would never, ever, EVER, actually commit suicide, because I understand that things will get better and that I have a lot more to live for and experience.
I think that's it for this post, goodnight y'all.
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