In Pieces

A feeling deep inside,
Something lost and scared,
Crushed too many times,
It shivers in fear,
Of another time.

It hides in my heart,
Beneath the shards,
Through the shreds,
Stuck with shrapnel.

Can someone repair it?
Bring it back,
Help me to feel again,
To love again?

I feel so apathetic at times now. I worry about whether or not I am actually going to like someone else again, after Emily. Even now, after I'm moving past Emily, I still always notice her if she is entering or in a room. I wish I didn't. I wish i could just ignore her. She broke my heart, and I don't know if someone else will be able to repair it or not. "You're still young. You'll find someone else. There is someone out there for you." I hear this from people so often, but the thing is, I'm different from most people. I'm not a neurotypical, things don't work for me the same way they work for others, so how can you expect love to be the same too? Now, most people don't actually know that I'm an Aspie, it's not something I tell everyone. But still, what am I to do? I can't figure out my feelings worth a damn, other than anger and sadness. The best I've ever done with them is bottle them up, and the cork only comes out when it can't deal with the pressure any more. But after some of it is released, it just goes right back on, until it builds up again to an unbearable point again. It's a never ending cycle for me. I write this blog so people will understand what I go through somewhat better, but also so people might help me. I'm still a kid in some aspects, I still have growing up to do. In other aspects, I'm quite mature, more so than some of my generation. But all in all, I really am still a scared kid waiting for some help.