I said in a comment on one of my favorite authors' stories on Wattpad (I'll leave a link at the end of the post leading to his Wattpad, he's awesome!) that I was actually jealous of his characters who had developing relationships or ones that were deepening, and it's true, I am. I'm also jealous of my friends with relationships and deepening ones. Why? Because I long for that, but the girl who I fell in love with, and never fully got over, and who I'm probably stupidly falling for again, through my own decision and fault, too, never reciprocated my feelings the first time. And probably won't this time! But I'm a glutton for punishment it seems, and a hopeless romantic to boot.
I mean I fell in love with her, to put it simply. It wasn't spontaneous either, I literally fell for her over a year and a half, approximately. She's fun to be around, the only person I can truly come out of my shell with. I don't have to be like I have been with her. I can be hyper and talkative, silly, mischievous, all the things I used to be, before shit like Florida happened. You should all have seen me as a kid, I always had something to say, always wanted to do something. Active and happy I was. But over time, I lost those qualities and became more of how I am normally.
Today, it was actually quite tiring to be so exuberant and upbeat, but incredibly fun too. I wish I was like that all the time. Although, I was remarkably more confident acting today than other days previously, which is strange, but not altogether a bad thing. I need some confidence in myself, now more than ever.
On another note, I had a night terror today, while I was napping after school. I won't go into details, cause I don't want to start crying, but let's discuss how I woke up.
I woke up in a cold sweat, with a pins in needles feeling along my body, except multiplied by a hundred and every little touch and movement made it worse. Since aspies tend to have sensitive to touch skin in the first place, this was just borderline painful for me. Instead of sitting up and screaming or yelling, when I have the rare night terror, I lock up in the fetal position and go dead silent. It takes a few minutes for me to unlock and move, but I didn't get up for probably a solid ten to thirty minutes. I just lay there quietly.
Now, I can probably count the amount of night terrors I've had on one hand, but those are just the ones I remember. I may have had plenty more, but I've just forgotten them, who knows? I tend to forget a lot of the stuff I dream, so it's fairly plausible.
I don't really have much to say right now about this. Maybe I'll be able to talk about this at some later point, but for now, there's only a few people I can talk about this with.
Night y'all. Hope you all have non night terror filled nights.
Author is RickyPine @ https://www.wattpad.com/user/RickyPine
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