Holy crap, so it says I have 31 page views. Not that I really understand what that means, but I assume it's that 31 people have looked at my blog, which would be freaking awesome! Now, onto the actual blog post.
I woke up today ten minutes past my alarm to head to my bus stop, and I just know that the bus has already come and gone, so that's just great. To top it off, my throat felts like someone was shoving a red-hot iron bar down my throat. It still feels like it's burning, even now. So I got up, drank some water, and had my dad drive me to school just in time to catch the bus to another school. (I go to a normal high school, but we have this separate place that brings in students from two high schools in its area, and this place is like a career cluster oriented place for us, it has culinary arts, robotics, engineering, programming, and more. It's quite a cool place, and I go there for half the school day.)
Riding there is sort of boring, but I amused myself by reading a book on my phone. I like to read on Wattpad a lot, and there is this story on there called The Elemntals by silversnowleopard, anyone reading this blog needs to go over to Wattpad and read her stories, they're awesome! Anyways, nothing really eventful happens until I sit down to eat breakfast, at which point I drink some milk and orange juice to go with the sausage biscuit I'm eating (Hint: I LOVE sausage biscuits.) and low and behold, instead of helping with my throat, they make all the taste in my mouth go sour and my throat hurt even more, and it is not until 3rd period that I realize that I've gotten a sore throat again and that drinking the milk and OJ made it a whole lot worse.
1st and 2nd go by relatively fast, with inappropriate jokes being made here and there by my friends. I'm still noticing my ex immediately, and even though I say I'm over her, being around her almost every day doesn't help. But there's also the fact that I always have fun when I'm around her, and there are also times when I'm in such a rotten mood that it's only through her antics that I can get out of it. I hope she never finds this blog, because I would be completely mortified if she saw this. But anyways, I'm trying, nevertheless, to- wait a minute, why is nevertheless considered a word. What the actual fuck. Anyways I am trying to move on, but I'm just a complete social mess when it comes with talking to girls. I can't flirt. I can try to make a conversation with a girl, but I tried I think twice in the past two days and it just doesn't work for me. I'll keep trying, though honestly, with this sore throat, it's probably better if I just wait until I'm not sick anymore.
Another thing is that I've been reading a lot of blogs and posts about people with AS and their marriages with NT (Neuro-Typical) partners, and it scares me. Because many NTs said that when their AS partner married them, in most cases from what I could tell, the AS partner completely changed into a different person for them, sort of like dropping a persona. And they also became asexual, not caring about sex at all. And it also said somewhere that we often excel at the infatuation stage from copying stories, people from shows and movies, and that sort of thing, and while that is true, it's still creepy and scary for me, cause I don't want to end up like that. I don't want to find someone I can love and be loved by in return, marry them, and completely change how I act around them. The fact is, it scares me.
And I know that not all aspies are the same, and that we all have varying levels of our AS qualities and stuff, for example I don't have sensory issues until I become annoyed, and then every little bang or loud noise is like another bucket of water into the tank of irritation, slowly or quickly rising. And anxiety levels increase rapidly for me, to the point where I'm constantly paranoid if I can't keep it under control, and I'm also more on the possessive side, but like I said, the qualities seem to vary in how intense they are. Getting back on track, what I'm saying is that the persona dropping thing seems to be prevalent in many aspies, but for all I know it's just a misunderstanding.
But, oh well, I guess I will find out when I'm older, eh?
So, in 3rd period today, we did a class discussion on the novella Ethan Frome. Terribly dry and boring book, by the way, but if you like Naturalism novels, it's the book for you! Anyways, the class discussion was quite heated and many time the teacher had to strike her gavel and call "Order in the court!" Yes, my teacher actually did that. Anyways, she also gave us a final project for this book, and I must say, I do not look forward to it that much. But I did get some enjoyment out of debating with my two group members on whether or not oral sex is considered sex. I consider it sex, while not the whole intercourse kind of sex, it's still sex in my eyes. In one of their eyes, I'll just refer to her as M, M sees it as not sex at all, and another, I'll refer to this one as C, C understands that it sort of depends on ones' perspective on it. I still stand by my view as oral being considered sex, whether or not intercourse happens.
Onto 4th, nothing interesting really happens here, I mean, it's math class. MATH. Basically, math is boring. The most exciting thing that happened was that after I had walked out of class to use the restroom, and gotten back, I was offered a piece of gum by some people I hold a rather decent amount of dislike to, but I accepted nevertheless, (again, why is that a word?) out of politeness, but when I grabbed it, saw and felt that it was empty, and all their friends busted out laughing at me. I immediately folded it up, tore it in half, tossed the wrapper at the girl who had offered it to me without looking, and muttered "Children" under my breath. A few minutes later I hear something land on my desk and look down to see another gum wrapper, but this time with gum actually in it. One of the people who I dislike had given it to me as a sort of apology for the childish prank from before, so I accepted it and thanked her (different girl) and yeah, that was 4th.
Now, bus rides home, these tend to be... interesting. There's this bitch on my bus, and while I would like to say her name, I'm trying to keep other peoples' names out of here, no matter how much I despise them. And oh do I despise this girl. She's the 'act like your friend then stab you in the back and spill all your secrets' kind of girl. There's another girl on my bus (audience gasps in surprise that there would be two girls on my bus) that is sort of friends, sort of enemies with the bitch, but really dislikes sitting next to the bitch, so I sit next to her so that she doesn't have to deal with the bitch. I'm gonna start capitalizing that now. The Bitch. Anyways, so I personally think the girl is too nice to tell The Bitch that she simply doesn't want to sit next to her. And whenever I get told or asked to move by The Bitch, or anyone else for that matter, I just say "It's up to her as to whether I move or not." and point to The Girl. I've decided capitalizing The Girl will clear things up a tiny bit. Or if it doesn't, it just looks cool to me. And again, anyways, today, there were a few more people than normal, so I got asked to move and said and did what I do in these situations and The Girl said in a resigned tone that it was fine, so I moved over to another seat. I'll talk more about bus rides home in another post at some point.
OH, I just remembered, my ex and a mutual friend of ours were going to the library to play Undertale on the computers, so I tagged along, and finally got to see some gameplay of Undertale. Interesting game, quaint, and it actually looks sort of fun! And while there, I was in a sort of close proximity with my ex, and she brushed past me a few times and I had to cringe to avoid touching her. Now why might I do this, you might wonder? Well, unlike aspies with higher sensory issues, I don't have a particularly high issue with it, though I still don't like people randomly touching me. Anyways, I was trying to avoid touching her to avoid the inevitable flow of feelings that would come with that touch. We were only together like two weeks, but that was all the time I needed to fall for her hard and fast. Which might be why it hurt so much when I hit the ground.
Hmm, what to title this one? Too many different topics discussed today...
Well, that's all I have for today. have a good time y'all, Alex out.
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